Posts tagged Deuteronomy 31:6

Tomorrow is my long-awaited high school graduation.

Quite honestly, I still don’t feel like it’s already tomorrow that I’ll be wearing that bright-red cap and gown, walk down the aisle, get my diploma, pose for my picture, and leave the UT Arlington hall to never return to my well-attached CHHS ever again as its student. It all just seems so surreal. 

I’m not trying to sound dramatic. I’m not much of a dramatic person anyways. Well, I guess everyone who’s gone through this phase know what I am going through now. But, man, really, it sure isn’t an easy feeling. 

It’s really weird. I think I have been waiting to graduate and leave for college as soon as high school started. But now that graduation is actually tomorrow, I’m not so sure what to think anymore. I even started to doubt if I ever wanted to leave. 

Every second I get closer and closer to graduation, to preparing for college, I can’t help but be filled with uneasiness and panic. 

Oh God, what do You have plan for me in a place like Austin? You must have Your reasons to send me there instead of OBU, where I would definitely be feel more at ease, more at home, more easily committed to You. You must also have Your reasons to send me where I really didn’t want to go, despite everyone’s congratulations, despite the fact that UT Austin really is a good school. 

There is no way that I can even begin to grasp Your reasons for anything. You are far more wise, far more loving… And I know it’s foolish of me to worry about what’s to come when You have plans for me, and that You will never fail or abandon me. But as fragile and broken as I am, I can’t resist/hide the fear for what is to come. 

But I say this again: God you work in such curious ways. Just as I was filled with thoughts and doubts like these, you lead me to a passage that I’ve always known all along, but it spoke so much louder this time.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” ~Joshua 1:9

So God, help me obey and be strong and courageous. I can’t even do such simple things without you. I admit I am weak and helpless without you, but for this weak me, You’ve shown so much grace and mercy. You really let me know that You are on my side, there is nothing that can defeat me. I know I will make mistakes, I know I will regret some things, I know that I will make choices that will change my life. But God, I pray earnestly and truly that in the next so very rough year to come, no matter what selfish prayer I may say, no matter how trivial my thoughts may be, that Your purpose will prevail in the end. That You will be glorified, honored, and praised. That I will not lose my purpose to love and follow You. <3